12am thoughts…

It’s 12:45am in the morning and I’m getting stressed for all the thoughts and questions. (Even though I should be doing math and studying for my biostatistics course.)

So, I’ve decided to write about it to get it (or hopefully) off my chest.

Let’s start off with HOW IRONIC this blog is because it I stated, “just doing the things I love to do.” I don’t even know what I like to do. Well sure, I like doing these small enjoyable things like photography, drawing, writing, listening to music, creating things, art stuff in general, but I don’t know…

I like volunteering, and I like talking to different people. But over the course of like two months, talking to other people made me realize I’m not actually one hundred percent sure that what I’m doing right now is where I want to…end up(?) I love helping people, getting to know people, and that’s never going to change. Giving is honestly better than receiving. I’m not sure if that’s what everyone thinks. (There’s an explanation on that by ASAP Science channel on youtube!…okay, getting off topic.) It feels nice. It feels good. But when you think about it, there’s so many different ways to help people. And just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you have a limited option. Instead, you can narrow those options, not limit them. (For example, just because you like drawing doesn’t mean you only have an option of becoming a painter. You can be a designer, and there’s all sorts of designing jobs too!)

I’m baffled.

I feel like I don’t know anything. I feel like I haven’t experience enough.

I thought volunteering and getting involved would help me narrow down what I want to do. However, talking to others and getting exposed to new perspectives,made me question myself. I guess this is perhaps a good thing though? Because if I don’t question myself right now, and just walk around blind, I might regret it more later or not have the chance and or time to turn things back around…? I feel like when I come back to this post, it’s not going to make sense to me.

Kind of feel like I got something off my chest though. I feel a litttttle less…embittered.

I’ll write more about it later but I think I should try to sleep. I have a class at 8am tomorrow.

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