The reason I haven’t been writing.

It’s been a while since I wrote on my blog. Again.

This time my reason is a bit… Different.
I wasn’t really lazy (surprisingly).
I just wasn’t really happy with the fact that my privacy wasn’t very… Private.
I started this blog for the purpose of writing a book in the future. Not only that, but I began to realize it was sort of becoming like my remedy(?) It was where I could write whatever I wanted. To express my thoughts. Or vent. Or rant. Anything personal I guess. Because I’m not the type to tell people my problems. Drama and stories are completely different from problems. They can be easily juxtaposed if you think about it, okay. And funny how ironic it is since I’m saying I’m not the type to tell people my problems, but here I am expecting somebody to read it. I just never liked the idea of people knowing about very personal stuff. I think it’s because I didn’t want people to consolidate the fact that I was weak.

At first, I did want people to see my blog and pictures. Over time, it became quite the opposite. I wanted people to NOT read my blog or look at my photos. I started to want a lot of people on Instagram to unfollow me. (I even thought of deleting everyone. And I actually did make some people unfollow me.) Because when that happens, I can be more comfortable with whatever I do and not have to think about what others thought of me. I said I didn’t care about what others thought of me but that was never completely true. I tried not to care, that part is true. Something happened when I was in my last year of middle school that hurt me mentally. To some extent, it changed the way I think. Okay, writing it like this makes it sound so serious. It wasn’t a big deal really but I was in no doubt hurt in some ways. Haha. (Let’s write about this next time on a different post.)

Anyways, the point is, I started to become even more self-conscious over time. So even with photos, I posted photos that I wasn’t even that fond of. And lately I was so fed up with myself. Being frustrated with myself for over-thinking things, thinking what others would think. So tired of it all. This year, I really want to change that and I really mean it. I want to write things that I want without worries, I want to post photos that I really want to post. I might get criticized, people might think I’m weird. (Come on, if you haven’t already noticed I was weird from the start, you’re fucking blind. Lol.) Everyone is different, everyone has different opinions, everyone has different perspective and views. Quote from 10 things I hate about you, “why should I live up to other people’s expectation instead of my own?” Amen. Preach. So true. Because everyone is different why can’t I be different? Why should I care about what everyone on this freaking planet thinks? Haha.

So from now whether I get criticized or judged, I’m just going to do…me. I’m just going to do what makes me proud, what makes me happy. Despite the posts that I’ve been posting on private, from now, I’ll just post without having to think about what others think of me. Because maybe I am overthinking things anyways. Lol. (I’m always most critical to myself.)

So whether you’re reading this or not and have been supporting me in any way, no matter what I write or post, thank you I appreciate it. (Especially for the followers on Instagram even though I post whatever lol.) Thanks for letting me be… Me. Haha.

And for those people that I actually know personally, if I ever post something private or serious on this blog, I would appreciate it if you don’t talk to me about it. Just don’t mention it or hint it or anything. I know how to solve problems on my own or by opening up to someone on my own will. The reason I wrote it my blog probably means it’s because it’s something I don’t want to talk about with anybody. I just want to express my thoughts on a post. Lol. So I just want to write on my blog with comfort without having to talk about it. Lol, thanks.

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